UN DENOUNCES "PATRIOTS"
After delineating a 114-point plan for "Peace or Death", the Secretary General's comments turned to another problem. "I have just been informed," he didn't say, beginning in an unusually somber tone, "that one of America's many "terrorists" - self-proclaimed "patriots", freedom-fighters, militia and all the rest - some of them have suddenly dropped beneath our radar. I've had it with these American "frontier" thinkers who think they can disrespect U.N. power. Well, I say to you, to all of you in the world: Take a good, close look at the U.N. We control all of the important military forces throughout the world. I have officially declared that the U.N. recognizes no nation's sovereignty - AHA! - and I even got a Nobel Prize for that little piece of poetry! And anyone who wants to ignore the sovereignty of the U.N., I say go ask anyone in Kosovo or Afghanistan what that will get you: You won't do it twice, I assure you. Yes sir! You can bet your sweet ass on that! We've come a long way, baby! FED UP WITH U.S."CONSTITUTIONALISTS" URINATING ON U.N. FLAG
The Secretary General's countenance seemed to brighten considerably at this point. "I have been watching, OHH! I have been watching," he didn't say, thundering ominously. "I have seen Americans fighting to keep their damn guns while the rest of the world responsibly obeys the U.N. mandate for peace through surrender. What makes these American pigs feel superior to the citizens of the rest of our fragile globe? I'll make damn good and sure those bastards will pay, and pay bloody well, they will! I have seen," he didn't continue, "American backwoodsmen urinating on the sacred U.N. flag, the symbol of mankind's last, best hope for peace. I'll personally rip out their entrails through their a--holes and burn their organs with an acetylene torch."
"OHHHH, I'll quickly have my day with those 'precious' Americans. They'll soon find out who has The Power. Every American soldier who refuses allegiance to the United Nations Peacekeeping Force will be shot without mercy. Every American Business that refuses to do business according to the distribution of wealth we've planned for the world - those businesses will be confiscated and placed under our direct control; and they'll be staffed by laborers we've imprisoned from among the disobedient. You will soon all have Biochips implanted into you - they will electronically store your money, your identification... oh, just try to hide from us now! And it will keep you from stealing from each other, you despicable swine. That's why you will readily agree to it, you powerless stooges.
"If you fight us, you will die. Maybe we'll knock over a few more skyscrapers for you - perhaps that will make you a little more agreeable to our enlightened leadership, you stinking wretches."
"And the 'patriots' - they're first on my list. We'll see if American 'Constitutionalists' can stand up to U.N. hottentots. You American scum can kiss my ass. I hate you and I'll make damn sure you feel the fear of poverty and imprisonment, just as we inflict on our enemies in Kosovo, Afghanistan and all others who resist U.N. control," Annan didn't say in his concluding remarks to a convention of watchmakers in Berne, Switzerland.
A spokesman for the U.N. stated that the comments not made by the Secretary General were probably metaphorical. But then quickly added, "But even if they weren't: What are you going to do about it?"
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